Not Done Yet

By Saadi | Poetry

Nov 29
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Driving away through the early morning city traffic
Fingers of panic flex in my gut,
I left you there
It feels wrong but I know it’s not
It’s just that I wasn’t done yet

I know you had to go,
I know the reasons
And I’m happy for you
There’s even a part of me that’s a bit relieved
That we made it to this point,

But I wasn’t done yet

Memories rattle through my head
The empty trailer I’m towing rattles along too
You’re Seventeen and starting a new life in the city
With only your dreams, your girlfriend
And a room in a cheap share house next to six lanes of traffic

When I was 17 I held you for the first time
A new life,
Hours old,
Smelling like a new god

I took you walking in the forest next to the house
You looked with wide eyes
You looked at me
You looked at the forest
And you saw everything
Do you remember?
Maybe in dreams you can’t recall?

To Father you and your sister
Has been my greatest achievement
To Father is more than the biological act
Of the dictionary verb

To father is endless and evolving
Exhilarating and exhausting
Joyous and painful
It is the confidence that comes with knowing
And the fear of the unknown and unknowable

And so much love,
So much love
And I am blessed

Now here we are
Me, on a highway
The rays of the morning sun burning away the mist

You, probably waking up now In your new house
Maybe from a dream you can’t recall
The rays of manhood starting to shine brighter

The road awaits us both
And the journey continues,
As it must

I’ll be waiting to share your successes and failures
Rejoicing in both

The failures are where the hidden treasure is found
But that can wait for another time…

We’re not done yet,
Not by a long shot.

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This poem was written just over two years ago when my Son left home and moved to Sydney to study. It was written on loose sheets of paper and thought I had lost soon after it was written. I just found it this week. My son had not seen it so it I am glad I was able to show it to him.

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